Embrace the Crone Within

Let's just start out with the stereotype, shall we?  Here we have the Wicked Witch from the fairy tale, the alter ego of the Queen who had been the "fairest of them all" before her little princess stepdaughter began to come of age as a maiden.  The Queen sought the death of the maiden in order to remove her as competition for the role of "fairest" female in the kingdom.  Of course, in the end Snow White was rescued by a charming prince to live happily every after, while the Queen was sent to a horrible (yet, according the the story, deserved) death.

Raise your hand if you want to be "the fairest of them all" forever!  I certainly do.
Since she was a teenager, whenever I have gone out with my daughter the male heads that turned have been for her.  As we both grew older, if we approached a counter together, the salesperson or concierge would sometimes address her first, as the person more capable, unless I asserted myself.  I remember this happening with my mother, too, and once she was in a wheelchair it was all the time, as I recall redirecting waiters who asked me what she would like to eat, "please ask her, not me."  I was annoying to me and although my mom was not one to complain, I think it must have felt demeaning to her.

Of course, the biological imperative is to reproduce, and the most attractive of us are those whose health is seen as most likely to support the continuation of the species.  

But where does that leave those of us who are no longer reproductively capable?  How long can we buck the experience of the stereotyping that will eventually catch up with us in small and large ways in our daily lives?  One approach is to do all things necessary to "look younger".

"Looking younger" is one of those phrases that, when used as a complement, perpetuates ageism.  How about replacing that phrase with "looking healthier"?

When we say to ourselves that some cosmetic changes make us "look younger" is that denial of our actual age?  Is it a way to deal with the fear of becoming older?  And isn't that a form of ageism?  Think about the prevalence of the motivation to "look younger"; think about how that contributes to the culture of ageism.

Instead of saying, "she looks younger than 60," why not say, "she looks wonderful" and acknowledge that a woman of 60 who is beautiful does not "look younger" because she IS NOT younger.
She is simply showing one of the many forms of "being 60."

This is a subtle shift in thinking and I hope I am expressing it well.